So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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