I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
