dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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