I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
