I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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