i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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