just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
