i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
