i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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