isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
