I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
