i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
