After last night, I could never be a politician.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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