So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
