That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
