I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
