I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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