my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
