I want to make a zoo with you.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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