Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
