I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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