Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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