i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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