ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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