Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
