My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
