thus making me awesome and them whores
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
