wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
pray to the hookup gods
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
