You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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