who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
