i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
