Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
