Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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