Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
