When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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