Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
