I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
