Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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