We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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