I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
