explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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