White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
