When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
