Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
