My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
love makes seman taste better
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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