remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
