If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
