Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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