chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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