Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
