Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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