i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
