i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
A bitchslap is in order.
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