He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
BRING THE BAGELS
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
