EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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