Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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