so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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