I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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