i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
