I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
