I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
a search helicopter?!
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
