Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
