I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
