shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
