I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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