You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
