Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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