You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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