I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
