this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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