I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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