You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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