1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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