She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
