Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Actions speak louder than pants.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
