fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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